I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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