You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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