The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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