If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
