I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize