Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
