we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
