my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
