my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
