she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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