Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
