Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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