Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
