You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
