if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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