There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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