You can't special order awesome
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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