I'm really into asian looking animals
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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