I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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