i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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