no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
