you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
