My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
