Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
be right there i have to get my cape
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
