Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
