I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
