Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
