Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
