So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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