Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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