hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
