I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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