GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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