Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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