I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Drake has all the answers
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
