Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
