Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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