I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
