There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
