His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
