My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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