I think my vagina is haunted
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
