I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
