Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
