Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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