I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
