im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
