im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
