If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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