i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize