BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
