I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
