can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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