She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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