her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
