I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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