I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
