I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm always down for nudity.
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