would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
