Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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