I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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