You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
