i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
