4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
