I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
