i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
