Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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