That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize