i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
