His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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