ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
