we made out on top of his cat.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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