I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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