May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
