he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
