my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
