as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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