You're my little dorito
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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