I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
