There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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