As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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