he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
